feeling deadbeat !
have been at the hospital since two pm.
woke up at 7 am,
went to 900+ central to accompany mumsie to doctor.
she's having fever too.
Den went to fetch popo to polyclinic,
cuz the gp x-trayed her &found two lumps near her chest.
then he referred her to polyclinics.
after the longlong queue,
got to see the doctor liao,
there was a immediate transfer for popo to go to other bigger hospital, the A&E department.
mumsie suggested SGH.
got to ask the doctor at polyclinic,
what was that lump there,
he said, from the x-tray &symtoms,
there is high possibility of tumor (cancer)
DDDDDDD:!!!!!
&goodness gracious,
there's two of them there.
:((((
mummy almost burst into tears,
&all i could tell her was,
hold your emotions.
i had to be strong,
stronger than mumsie this time.
if not, everyone's gonna break down,
&popo will know that there is something real wrong.
she's a smart lady. :(((((
then we proceeded to SGH.
waited for doctor to see popo.
had been seeing close to 11doctors!
:((
everyone asking her the same questions.
how long have this been,
giving us the preparation that it is not a positive sign.
we had popo warded to do the scan sooner,
so we wouldn't need to wait so long for treatment,
if she's not warded,
it's take another one month.
WHAT IF IT'S REALLY CANCER,
one month of delay for treatment is SHIT!
DD: stupid doctors.
i remember,
the cardi something heart something surgeon,
he can't even clearly explain to us,
what is it.
all he gave me the impression was,
dun waste money on popo cuz she's old (82years old)
plus, she's a smoker,
&now cancers have no cure.
wtf!
just treat her la,
moneymoneymoney.
DDD: i dun like him.
dun know how to do things.
but, popo is really too old for big operation,
it's at the chest somemore.
plus it's HUGE. :((
all the while,
had stayed there with popo till 8plus,
before getting food for my tummy.
but i'm much happier,
when every other relative arrived.
i mean, i was alone wiht popo.
all i could do was talk talk & talk to her.
but everytime,
i talk to her,
i get heartaches,
&want to cry.
becuz she told me,
she's old, dun need to make things so ma fan.
but it's a life we're talking about.
how could she say all this?
sobs. :((
if i can chose,
i would rather it comes to me ¬ her.
although i'm not close to her,
i could say,
i'm a burden.
i'm not schooling,
i'm not contributing to people around me.
&i'm getting silly over break ups.
it's life now i'm talking about.
how could i still care about other things?
i'm sorry..
i guess... i have too many things to handle.
not at this time, i would want to be what i said my previous entry.
if it was me who died this painful death,
it would be better.
but.. it's popo &i need to be stronger.
becuz i am now mumsie's pillar of support.
but who can i lean on now?
mine was gone,
long ago. i am one myself now.
jiayou diane!!!!! jiayou.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
