specially to you; KWL

it's gonna be such a long post...

so many things to say.
let me start from thanking you.
thank you for comforting hugs.
thank you for pretty dimples you have on your face.
thank you for squirming your face for me to see just bcuz i find it very cute.
thank you for roses on valentine's day.
thank you for pretty necklace.
thank you for spending money to catch bbdd && poohy for me.
thank you for making me happy to see me smile.
thank you for promises we made.
thank you for deleting your friendster account because i start to get paranoid.
(but i swear i feel sad that you delete it away too))):)
thank you for encouraging me to go school.
thank you for not allowing me to go school when i insist.
thank you for cheering me up when i throw tantrums.
thank you for aloowing me to bite you ears.
thank you for the very very very beautiful birthday candles && ice-cream cake.
thank you for hugs and kisses.
thank you for being there for me when my family failed me.
thank you for understanding me.
thank you for 'jack&jill' went up the hill.
thank you for getting so worried when my leg was bleeding because of the stupid cat.
thank you for get out of bed to send me home middle in the night.
thank you for letting me play my game && not respond to you.
thank you for asking your mama to buy me breakfast.
thank you for going to sengsiong with me to get my milk pokki.
thank you for making breakfast for me.
thank you for fetching me from school.
thank you for allowing me to wait for you at bbdc.
thank you for allowing me to ex-change phone with you.
thank you for taking care of me.
thank you for fetching me home. from work.
thank you for working so hard to earn money.
thank you for signing air-force, initially for me.
thank you for giving up your bolster because i want it.
thank you for playing monoploy with me.
thank you for losing the games just to make me happy.
thank you for going for meals with my family even when you don't like them.
thank you for going to the bbq on my dad's birthday with so many aunties around.
thank you for changing my shoes when my leg hurts.
thank you for sucking up to my non-sense.
thank you for hearing my naggings.
thank you for wiping away my tears.
thank you for the past 8++ months.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GIVEN ME.

8++ months;

say long not long,

say short not short.

there's so many things i can thank him

&& there's so many things we've gone through.

although the time is little.

but......

things turn more && more bad.

the da nan ren && da nu ren's mentality of ours start to rule each other.

telling us NO && what to do next.

that's why such a thing would happen.

i was really disappointed when i saw that at mac.

my mind went crazy.

but i told myself, 'yao leng jin' !

i had no mood to eat.

no mood to do anything. Anything. ANYTHING !

than i started thinking.

why is it me again ?

have i not done well enough ?

you want more freedom, more trust.

i give ! i really gave !!

&& i told you before.

don't ever lie to me like how he did lied to me.

&& don ever abuse my trust.

i grew into that hurt.

you pulled me out from that hurt.

&& now you pushed me back into that hurt.

WHY ?):

because i'm ugly?

with luo buo tui && small small boobs?

&& those ugly cat scars?

is it? is it?

now how do i trust you.

when you were working ?

that time you're working at geylang,

you said you were busy && can't sms me.

but why you can sms her?

can you answer me?

please ? i beg you ?

okay.

so anyway, after so much of naggings.

i'm still confused && lost.

i don't know what i can do.

my pillar crushed.

i got no one to look to anymore.

&& i'm sad.

nothing can go in my mind.

it's bursting......

-KWL, NI YAO XING FU OH !(((((:

&& suddenly i remembered what i read on wanxian's friendster

: the man who really loves you will never want to make you cry.

now i feel; it's so true